Make Yourself a Priority

Put Yourself First

A lot of us middle-aged women are used to putting others first. We were taught to do so from a very young age.

We were taught to take care of others, to put others’ needs before ours, to support others and take a backseat to those we love.

Most of us are still stuck in this way of thinking. But we are important too.

I remember a phrase that went around a lot when I was younger. “You can’t love others if you don’t love yourself.”

I didn’t love myself—hell, I still struggle with that. To me, that phrase made me think I was incapable of loving others.

I began questioning if what I felt for others was really love. That was unhealthy. Eventually, I rejected the saying and just loved others with my whole heart.

Now, in the middle of my life, I realize how important it is to love and care for ourselves.

When you reach mid-life, you do realize what is truly important. With age comes wisdom, I suppose. I’m not saying I have it all figured out. I don’t think anyone does. We are on this journey together.

But we must put ourselves at the top of our list of priorities.

We’ve been pushed back, stepped on, ground down, and utterly ignored for too long.

It’s time we put ourselves first.

It’s not selfish. I repeat, it’s not selfish! It is not selfish to put yourself first.

You need as much love and care as anyone else in your family, as anyone else in your life, as anyone else ever.

So, ask yourself, “Am I spending enough quality time doing what I want?”

I need time for myself and so do you.

Do something you love that is just for you—something that no one else around you enjoys.

For instance, I crochet. No one else in my family or close-friend circle crochets, but I love it. This I do while my spouse is around, but there are things I like to do alone.

I do simple things, like watch a movie or TV show.

Right now, I’m really into American Horror Story. Unfortunately, I’m almost done with the series and I’ll have to find something else. But no one in my household wants to watch it with me. So late at night, I curl up alone, turn all the lights off, and prepare to enjoy some gruesome stuff.

I might turn on a Rom-com or read a book for fun—usually a mystery or psychological thriller. The books I choose are for me only and not (usually) a book recommendation from a friend or family member. It’s my time, after all.

Pampering

You don’t need a full spa day to pamper yourself.

I’m not one who pampers myself much, but there are things that I do that make me feel good and a bit special.

Once or twice a year, I get a massage and a simple manicure. I should get a massage more often due to some physical issues, but I can’t afford to go more often than that. Hopefully, I will be able to afford to pamper myself more soon.

What I have for a daily treat is a particular, more-expensive-than-Dove soap. I love the smell of it and how smooth it makes my skin feel. (360Feel Oat Milk and Honey if you really want to know.)

I have a shampoo that I love. While my hair is oily, this shampoo is for dry hair. I don’t care! I love it. I love the smell, the texture, the way it soaps up. It’s mine, all mine! (Whole Blends Honey Treasures.)

Purchases

I’m not a big spender, and I don’t buy stuff for myself often, but when I do, it feels so special.

I don’t care if it’s underwear that I need or a pair of dress pants or socks. It feels good to buy myself something. Anything really.

If I had the money, I’d be dressed in the softest, most comfortable lounge clothes possible. Alas, I am not wealthy, but I did buy a less expensive version of an outfit I love. It took me weeks of scouring the internet to find something close, but it was worth it. I absolutely love what I bought.

Writing

Writing is something I do for myself as well.

I have a novel on the go. It’s in its early stages, but it brings me joy.

And that’s what this post is all about.

Bringing joy to yourself with things you do just for you.

If that is writing, great! If it’s a nice-smelling soap, great!

If it’s something else that pleases you, that’s only for you, great!

Treat yourself well, and you will treat others better, because you are in a good mood.

It’s okay to put yourself first.

It’s okay to chase your dreams.

It’s okay to love yourself.

In fact, do all of these things and make yourself happy.

You are the only one that can create your own happiness.

Treat yourself well, like all those youngsters do.

Kristin

Speculative fiction, crime fiction, and memoir ghostwriter and editor.