
Throughout life, our perspective shifts.
What was once seriously important to us becomes a trifle. Sometimes, something becomes less important for a short time, while something else takes center stage.
In my youth, I felt my boyfriend (whoever that was at the time) was the most important thing in my life. Partying and making friends were a close second. Family took a backseat, and studying came last, of course.
But I grew up a bit. In my twenties, men were still a priority, but so was work. Partying and making friends still came next, and family continued to lag behind.
At thirty, my husband became my top priority, trying to make him happy in any way I could. My work came next, and then my parents and sister. So, family—my husband—finally came first.
Now in my late forties, with my father in an assisted living facility after a traumatic brain injury and my mother having open-heart surgery, my family finally takes precedence.Â
I’m ashamed it took me so long to reach that new and ‘correct’ perspective and that it took major issues with my family for them to hit the top of my list.
I was selfish. Though I realize I should give myself a break in that regard (almost every young person puts themselves first), it’s difficult to forgive myself for this lack of perspective.
Due to these recent events, my perspective on life and death has shifted as well.
I’m going through a tough phase personally, as I’m now afraid of just about everything.
Whatever I’m doing or whatever is going on around me, I’m almost constantly thinking about the worst thing that could possibly happen.
My perspective on life and living shifted when with my mom’s heart attack. I’m hoping it shifts back to a ‘normal’ perspective soon. While I know thinking about all the terrible things that can happen is detrimental to my wellbeing, I can’t seem to stop no matter what I tell myself. I do know that this way of thinking is temporary, and I can’t wait until it’s over.
The other night, my heart vibrated in my chest. Of course, I panicked. Who wouldn’t? My heart literally vibrated. I wondered if that was a mini heart attack and if it was the precursor to a major heart attack. Naturally … I googled it.
Apparently, it’s considered an arrhythmia, and it’s fairly common. According to the Mayo Clinic, it’s nothing to worry about unless it happens frequently.
Imagine my surprise that a vibrating heart could be caused by stress. And also, caffeine, alcohol, and other smaller things.
So, my perspective changed a bit again and with it, my eating and drinking habits. I only have an alcoholic drink about once a month, so that isn’t the problem, but I usually drink caffeine all day, every day. I haven’t cut out caffeine completely, I have cut back. I’ve made an appointment with a psychologist so I can get some advice on how to get through this phase of disturbing and fundamentally ridiculous thoughts about death and dying.
I mean, when will I actually be crawling through a cave and get stuck? Especially since I don’t go spelunking.
How likely is it that a tunnel I’m driving through will collapse while I’m in it? Especially when there are no tunnels that I ever drive through.
What are the chances I will be decapitated and my brain continues to think it feels pain?
Not bloody likely for all of these situations.
My perspective will change again and something else will take precedence in my thoughts, though I do hope my top priority will stay my family forever.
If you want your perspective on your importance or the importance of all of humanity to change, check out this video about our galaxy and keep in mind it is just one galaxy in the universe. It's estimated that there are about from 100 billion to 200 billion galaxies in the universe!
Have a lovely day!
Kristin
Speculative and Crime Fiction Ghostwriter and Editor
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